If Money Were No Object

Recently, I've been thinking about what's the purpose of me being here. I'm probably going through the typical college stage where you are trying to define yourself, identify the things you are good at, and give yourself a purpose. Growing up has made me more perceptive on the things that actually matter in the long run. I watched a video recently that I shared on my Facebook and one of the quotes in it made me want to write this blog (another factor in me writing this is that the philosophy class I am currently in is putting me to sleep). The quote was, " I'd rather live a short life doing the things that make me happy, instead of living a long life being miserable".

This quote is by a philosopher named Alan Watts who's job it was to advise kids on which direction to take their life. He asked all of them, "If money was not an object, what would you want to do." As soon as the young person had told him what they wanted...he told them to do that specific thing. The video, all too powerful, made me realize that there is no point in living a life that you do not want to live just for the money. This video hit me exceptionally hard because living a life I do not want to live is the exact position I am putting myself in right now. Here is the video. You might want to watch it before reading on.

Going to Amherst College will open many opportunities for me after I graduate. However, its opportunities that sound great to the outside world, but to me I do not even know what it is that I actually want. To stereotype my path through Amherst would sound something like this. 'Play football and baseball. Meet some alumni at an event. Interview with them. Get a job being an investment banker or some other financial thing on Wall Street. Make a lot of money at a young age. Work my ass off for 3 years putting in 100 hour weeks until the 4th year where it slows down a bit and you actually enjoy your money.' Sounds great right? It did to me too, however the other day, my friend and I were like "Dude what do you want to do when you leave this academic sleep away camp". He responds with, "I don't know... I'll probably end up being an investment banker.....but I don't even know what an investment banker is or does". It is this type of life that the video contends with!

You only have one life to live. Money should not be the driving force behind every decision. Your life should be more fulfilling than waking up to a job that you hate only because it makes you money. Doing this only sets you up to live a life that you are not fully committed too. Putting in all those hours while the whole time you're thinking to yourself "I don't even like this". If you find something that you love, you never work a day in your life. I've come to the realization that if you do things that make you happy, all things that make you the person you want to be, all things without the worries of monetary expenses, the summation of these things will in turn make you live a happy, successful life. A life where you can make money, but at the same time enjoying what you do and reaping the benefits that life has in store for you. What's the point in doing things you do not want to do. You get one shot. One shot at the life you want to live. Why not make your mark on a platform that best suites your abilities and desires. Stay level headed on what's important to you and the rest will come. Unnecessary worries about pleasing people only cloud your ability to be truly happy. Money is great, but you can't take it with you when you're gone. In my last seconds before I die, I want to know that I had the most fulfilling, satisfying life...and that it was all worth it.

Sex Appeal

I haven't written a post in awhile I'm sorry. Partially due to my school work and then of course because it takes me quite awhile to think of something to write about. But I think I got something. Going to such an intellectual school, I am constantly surrounded by females who can just dust me in anything related to academics. But partying with them has made me start to realize how important "Sex Appeal" truly is, and how counter-productive dressing super conservative can be. I don't want to say that Jersey girls are better than other girls (that's exactly what I'm saying), but Jersey girls just know how to dress with the perfect amount of class and "Sex Appeal". Don't twist what I'm saying and think that Jersey girls dress like sluts because that is not the case. What I am saying is, that Jersey girls know how to wear clothes that cover everything that needs to be covered, but still has the effect of making me look twice. Everyone knows the phrase "Sex Sells" and it cannot be more true. If you want a guy to approach you...dress sexy. Wear something that shows off all the hours in the gym, curl your hair, wear heels, wear that short dress that you've been talking about. I'm in College, I don't want to look at girls that dress like my mother. I'm going to parties to relax and find a little cutie to talk to. I'm not interested in watching your drunk ass elegantly walk up to me dressed like Hilary Clinton. This is the best shape you're going to be in in your entire life...show it off. Showing off what you got does not make you a slut. Countless times at school I have been asked, "Rob do I look too slutty?" Sometimes I literally just drop my jaw in awe thinking "how can you be too slutty when you're completely covered wearing a dress?" Having "Sex Appeal" is a good...no a great thing. Most of the time its the girls with the most "Sex Appeal" that actually get with the least amount of guys. I want the tease. I want to look at you and be like damn you look really good. You dressing nice doesn't make me think of you as a slut and it shouldn't mean that other girls call you a slut either. A slut is someone who just gets with everyone all the time. Don't be afraid to step in a room and command attention, that's what we want. If you got it, show it.

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Sacrifice 4 for 40

Ok, I know I haven't posted a blog in a very long time but its because I don't like to write things unless its worth reading. Today however I had a revelation.

I have the privilege of having great friends that aren't afraid to call me out whenever I need to be called out, and thankfully some of them did. It has to do with things that don't matter like facebook, instagram, twitter etc. For the longest time I have always believed that the ONLY way people will listen to what you have to say is if you have influence. The main reason I wanted to play D-1 baseball was for the hopes of getting drafted so that eventually one day I could stand up and talk to an audience and make a difference about something more important. Something that could influence the world. And the reason people would listen was because I was a professional athlete with influence. However, I never thought that could be done if I wasn't "popular" enough. Even looking at that word now makes me realize how kiddish and immature that word is. While making connections is great (and I've made a ton with bunch of amazing people) during high school it was a thing I kind of worked for. I wanted to meet as many people as I possibly could, I cared about how many facebook friends I had, how many twitter and instagram followers I had, and blah blah blah. All because the equation in my head went like this: popularity + good advice = influence. You cannot have influence unless people know who you are. I didn't want to die and leave this Earth without leaving a mark on it. I wanted to be remembered and from looking around I thought the only people that were remembered were the popular people that made a difference because of their influence, like Martin Luther King or Elvis. I believed that the only way people take you seriously is if you have some sort of status. For example, question for you... Why are you even reading this blog? What possessed you to click on this random link and read about what I have to say? Why does my opinion have any relevance to what you are doing?  Is it because you heard about me from someone, are we friends, did you stumble across my instagram, facebook? Now you answer that yourself.

Now, I realize, life is not even about that! I've kind of grown up and realized what actually matters and what actually matters is being yourself. By chilling out and not trying as hard you become more attractive because you are more confident within yourself. Although I've always been confident in myself, I also needed the validation from other people around me. But now the validation is coming from within and its a more pure form of confidence. One that relies only on me. And one that is not tainted with the opinion of others. While all the stuff I said up there does help in certain aspects because half of you wouldn't be reading this if you didn't know or know of me, its a relief being able to just say who cares. Who cares how many facebook friends you have. Who cares how many likes you get on your instagram picture. At the end of the day those material things are MEANINGLESS.

I'm fortunate enough to attend one of the best schools in the country, an opportunity that barely anyone gets. To throw it away over some bullshit would be a disgrace to everyone who helped me get here. To not fully appreciate everyday and not work my ass off would be discrediting all the hard work I've put in. In class, its not about the "grade" you get. Having a good GPA is important but what professors actually want you to do is LEARN! Take what you're taught and use it in the outside world. Its not about the grade. In a couple years that won't matter. What does matter is how much you learn and soak up. Be a sponge, be attentive, and be present. The most important message I have out of all this, the most mature message I can say is: "Fall in love with the grind." Today I fell in love with the grind. Fall in love with working your ass off so you get a great job out of college. Fall in love with finishing your paper two days early just so you know you have enough time to make a better draft. Fall in love with late nights, fall in love with uncomfortable beds, and with shitty cafeteria food. Don't worry about how hard you're going to party (by all means have your fun, I definitely do) but don't make that the priority. You're life isn't about college. Don't concentrate on 4 years concentrate on 40 years. Put yourself into a much broader perspective. That's the mentality I have. Sacrifice 4 to live the next 40 however you want. In 10 years are you ever going to remember who you got with at that one party? No you're not. In these 4 years do something that sets you up to have the option to do whatever you want to do in 10 years. If you want to take a vacation DO IT! If you want to buy shoes, clothes, cars...whatever THEN do it. Set yourself up to have enough money to go to REAL PARTIES....not cramped, sweaty, drunken college ones, but real clubs and events where you have money to spend instead of living pay check by pay check. We are 4 years away from the rest of our lives. That's what growing up has taught me. Fall in love with the grind.

How To Text A Guy That You Don't Want To Talk Too

          This blog post tonight is the guide on how to properly text a guy that you do not want to talk too. Too many times I'm with girls that say "This guy does not stop texting me" and then proceed to answer back the text message.  Even I have been the annoying guy who'll text two or three times to a girl who obviously isn't interested just because I want to talk to them. I'm not insecure to admit it. Well what are the key things to do to stop having annoying guys like me continue to text you.

          The ONLY thing you have to do when a guy texts you that you aren't interested in is "Sorry, I'm not interested". That would solve everything! All the time girls answer texts to guys that they don't want to talk too because they respond with "I just one word him". That's not good enough! Answering back gives a guy hope. Answering him back makes him think that there is still a chance. If he said "babe" in that text message and you still answered that means that you acknowledge that you were called "babe" and didn't say anything about it. You just made it seem acceptable (to that guy) that it is ok to call you "babe". Don't do it and save both of us time. I'll speak for me personally, but I'd much rather have a girl straight up say "Sorry I'm not interested in you" or "Don't bother texting me" instead of answering me back with boring texts messages. If you could just text me that text message then I wouldn't have to waste my time even thinking to text you again and move on to bigger, brighter, and bustier things. And I'm sure other guys are the same way. Guys are by no means stupid, but we're not the type of being to sit there and try to read into signs from girls. Like girls think that 'one wording him' is going to tell him to stop texting you....NO IT ISN'T! If you want him to stop texting you then literally say it, its not being mean, its saving both of your times in the future. Granted some guys can take the hint, but the creeps that you complain about texting you obviously don't. And even I have most likely also been the guy where the girl turns to her friends and is like "Why does he keep texting me? I don't want to talk to him". Just save both of our times and end it from the very beginning. That is how you make him stop.

Hanging With The Right Group Of Friends

*Disclaimer* This post may cause you to re-evaluate your relationships and may cause the loss of friends.

          Alright guys, this post isn't going to be don't hang out with people that drink, have sex, or do drugs because honestly no one is going to listen to that. Society loves drinking, loves having sex, and loves recreational drugs. This is proven with the minimal success that you're teachers have had blabbering the "don't have sex, don't smoke weed, don't drink alcohol" speech that everyone is told. How many of those have you done! Exactly. Instead, this is going to be about surrounding yourself with people who do three things. One, want you to be the best you. Two, have you in their best interest. And three, do not put you in uncomfortable situations.

          First, surround yourself with people that want you to be the best possible "you" that you can be. Hanging out with people that try to bring you down is only going to hold you back from life. People who are average like to see other people stay average. I define "average" as your "run of the mill" type of person. Someone who enjoys the status quo, does not push themselves for more, and lacks sufficient motivation to better themselves.  Once you try to break free from "average" and become successful, "average" people want to pull you back down. When you're average NO ONE bothers you. No one makes fun of you because no one cares enough and you're not a threat. Once you start to accomplish something, average people attempt to bring you back down to their level. When you want better, they are reminded that they are average. Don't let them do it! Hang out with people who want to be successful, and you in turn will be successful. Hang out with people who have the same mindset as you do. Do not waste your time with people who are afraid of doing something worth while. Of course you can choose not listen to this advice and stay average, but that is your own decision. I heard average people have pretty sweet bank accounts.

         Second, surround yourself with people who have you in their best interest. I know that my best buds would literally take a bullet for me, just like I would for them. Find people that would risk their own well-being for you! If you hang out with someone all the time and you look at them and think, if someone came to rob me would they run away or stand to fight. If they would run away you don't need them! I know that if I got into a fight my friends would have my back. I don't surround myself with people who don't put me first. True friendship is putting others before yourself, "good company" is others putting you first only when it is convenient.

          Lastly, do not hang out with people that put you into uncomfortable situations. Good friends do not peer pressure you into doing things that you do not want to do. They respect your decision. That goes for anything! Not just the typical drugs and alcohol. That could go for dressing a certain way, talking a certain way, or behaving a certain way. If you're "friends" constantly peer pressure you into doing things that you do not want to do, they are not your real friends and could honestly give two shits about you. I can count my real friends on one hand. A friend is someone who put you up, not brings you down, who respects your decisions, and someone who wants your well being before their own good health.

Flirting While Taken

         What is it that makes it so attractive to get with someone who has a significant other? What is so enticing in being the "side" person? Why do we all do it? These are the questions I've asked myself over the last ten days since I wrote my last blog. I didn't want to write something without fully contemplating all aspects of the questions. In my personal findings, I concluded that the reason why people get with men or women who have boyfriends or girlfriends is due to a subconscious insecurity embedded within each person. Now let me explain.

          As you read, intrinsically look within yourself to try and connect to an instance of when someone you were talking to had a boyfriend or girlfriend and they then became much more attractive. What is it about the chase? Some people I talked to about the topic said that they liked the chase because of the challenge. You know the challenge of pulling something off and the difficulty and sense of fulfillment after accomplishing it. However, when I looked deeper into the topic I realized that yes the challenge is appealing, but the need to accomplish the challenge stems from an innate insecurity that we all have on "being good enough". When people hookup with others who are in a relationship their sense of "I'm better than that person. I'm worth it. People care about me" tends to rise. The thrill doesn't originate from the challenge, the thrill germinates from an instinctive aspect of our humanity that wants to prove our worth. Therefore, by completing tasks that prove our worth, our sense of being and confidence sky rocket.

          
          Think about a time in your life when you completed anything noteworthy: a great grade on your report card, you were hired a job, helped the homeless, participated in a charity, etc. Think about how you felt after accomplishing one of those things. You're sense of worth was heightened, which in turn made you feel "worth it". All those acts boost our sense of self that is in constant contention with our embedded insecurity. For one to say, "I am not insecure, I'm confident in myself, I don't care what anyone thinks" alludes to the thought that the only reason you are trying to prove that you are confident is because you are insecure about your confidence in the first place! If you really were so confident IN YOURSELF (not in your actions because many people are confident in their actions) then you would not be trying to prove that confidence. So in the culmination to my point, you're insecurity is always present because even if you are trying to prove the complete opposite of insecurity...."confidence", you are still entertaining the idea of "insecurity".

          In conclusion, when intensively scrutinizing this subject I realized that the reason that hooking up with someone entices the masses is because we all want to prove that we are better than someone else. We all want to convince ourselves that we do in fact mean something to someone in this world. It is the sense of self that truly sparks the incentive to attempt getting with someone who already has a boyfriend or girlfriend.

When He's Stringing You Along

          This post may ruin some relationships, but I'm going to shed some light on a very sensitive subject. I'm going to answer the popular question of "is he stringing me along?!." 

Well ladies, to be completely honest, most of you ALREADY know deep down that you're getting strung along and you're the second option but choose not to listen to your heart due to a false hope that maybe you'll become his number 1. It's weird to think that we want people we can't have, but when people show a lack of interested in us it makes us want to say, "HERE I AM! NOTICE ME!!" 

IF IT FEELS KINDA YUCKY ... ITS NOT WORTH IT TRUST ME! 

Guys are hunters and if they want you trust me you will know simple as that. Take it from me .. ex-player now tied down I know ALL the ins and outs of male psyche. 

Naturally it is in our nature to go after things that we want. It makes sense, contemplate any time in your life you genuinely knew a guy wanted you. How did he text you? How often? What type of effort did he put in? For whatever reason we reject this kindness because we feel like we already "conquered" the person. I use the word conquered because we feel like we already have that person so there's no need to try as hard anymore. Thus, if you find yourself being the "conquered" where you're putting in most of the effort, keep this in mind to see if he is even worth your time.

            Here are some key signs that you're not first in his mind and you're basically a second option. 

One, if he tells you that he'll "text you later" and never does, then he's got better things to do. 

If you ask him to hang out and he's always busy, then he's filling up his time with someone else. 

If you go out of your way to make the effort and he chooses to pick something or someone else over you, then its time to move on.

 No matter how hard it may be, you need to move on to someone else because you are being taken for granted. Guys work in weird ways. We like the girls that are hard to get opposed to the ones that really care for us. We like the "bitches" who are snobby because we chalk them up as a statistic. When you bag a snobby bitch it feels like an accomplishment because she is mean and you got through it!

Sounds so shallow but its true. We neglect the beautifully genuine girls because we think with our "head" opposed to our head. It's not fair, it's not nice, and it hurts a lot of people. 

Although I understand how it may suck for some of you, quite frankly, ladies are the same way. They neglect the genuine "nice guy" over the "douche bag". Girls are the WORST when it comes to the "I'm sorry I wasn't by my phone all day", "I'm actually going out with my girls tn", "I wish you asked me earlier! I just made plans", and my favorite "I really wish, but my third cousin brother's girlfriend friend is graduating and I said I'd go" texts. 

Both sexes exhibit the same lack of urgency that determines if someone is stringing you along. But alas, this blog must continue so you have the ability to realize that YOU ARE A SIDE PIECE. 

If the guy you are talking to doesn't text you first, never asks you to hang during the day (at night doesn't count), doesn't follow through with his "I'll text you later", or is constantly "with his friends", then to him you are not important enough to leave his friends. If the guy actually wants you I promise that he will show it. 

He will make it very clear of his intentions early on. 

Guys compartmentalize women into mostly three categories - girls that are just sex, girls that I want to try and have sex with, girls that are just friends or I am friend zoned and cannot have sex with. 

LADIES ONCE YOU ARE COMPARTMENTALIZED IT IS EXTREMELY SO VERY VERY VERY HARD TO SWITCH COMPARTMENTS.

He will treat you how YOU SET THE STANDARD TO BE TREATED!!

Fuck on the first date or too early on and you risk being compartmentalized as a girl that you can have casual sex with and no relationship. TRUST ME ... MOST OF THE EARLY SEX DOES NOT LEAD TO A RELATIONSHIP ... unless there's just natural emotional chemistry as well as the physical.

The way to counteract being strung along is to create the illusion that you are too busy yourself! Instead of always being available, play around a bit. Answer texts later, still hang out but make it more of a process where its like "Oh yeah I could possibly hang out, I have to see". 

LET THE BALL BE IN HIS COURT!

Then you will absolutely know what the fuck is good.

Put the ball in his court and basically have the attitude, "If you really want me, you'll put the effort in". 

While it may suck at first because no one is talking to you its worth it. You'll weed out the guys who aren't willing to put  in the effort and you'll be left with guys that genuinely care. 

While this isn't the "cool" thing to do, I guarantee it'll make you much more happy because you'll be around guys that appreciate you for you and treat you the way you should be treated. 

There's a ton of jerkoffs out there who are disgustingly disrespectful BUT YOU NEED TO KNOW THERE IS SOMEONE OUT THERE WHO YOU ARE IMPORTANT ENOUGH FOR! 

You just have to find them. 

There are guys out there that appreciate the little things, there are guys out there that call you for no reason, there are guys out there that will drive out of their way to see you no matter what it takes. 

There is still hope, trust me. 

You need to stop wasting your time with the dick heads, you need to stop downgrading yourself, and you need to realize that to someone you're worth it. 

I've said this to a whole bunch of my girl friends who have talked to me about guy problems and they are absolutely amazing,kind-hearted girls and I tell them, right now may not be your time. But when all those guys are looking for girls to marry, they are going to leave the "right now" girls and come to you. 

It's an unfortunate way of life, but to someone you're worth it and believing it whole heartedly yourself is the only way for others to believe it and treat you that way.

P.S. 

I'm going to be doing some MAJOR edits to this blog and transitioning into a success, motivational, lifestyle blog that will inspire others to become the best version of themselves and destroy limiting beliefs preventing them from accomplishing their dreams. 

GIVE ME OPINIONS ON SOME THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO READ AND COMMENT BELOW!!! 

I love my readers and THIS IS A BLOG FOR THE PEOPLE, POWERED BY THE PEOPLE! Thanks for your participation it is truly appreciated to hear your voice.

- Rob